


always for you

by JemmyMads



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, Forced dieting, Gen, I love these boys I swear, Karaoke, Oops, also im sorry, apparently i feel the need to torture the sweetest boy in the universe, at least everybody makes an appearance i promise, but also fluff, johnny is an honorary dad, this wasn't supposed to go over 5000 words, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 04:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16946964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemmyMads/pseuds/JemmyMads
Summary: For some reason, there was an exception to Mark's "ew physical affection rule". And for an even more unknowable reason, Haechan was that exception.(Donghyuck knows that they have the band's best intentions in mind when they download the dieting app onto his phone. It's the only reason he goes along with it. The company would never hurt him.)TRIGGER WARNING; eating disorder and slight body dysphoria.





	always for you

**Author's Note:**

> I've literally never made such a sad fic before what the hell is wrong with me
> 
> IMPORTANT
> 
> 1) I IN NO WAY BELIEVE THAT MANAGEMENT IS HURTING THE MEMBERS, don't take any of this as what is going on at the company, I'm fully aware that they're happy and healthy and the company treats them well
> 
> 2) DO NOT READ THIS IF IT WILL HURT YOU IN ANYWAY, the disorder is mostly in Donghyuck's parts, which are the parts that are in parentesis
> 
> It's important to read the parenthesis everyone, they're kinda the real plot to the story

The unfortunate thing about living in a dorm with 9 other people, Mark had learned, was that there was never a point in time, day or night, that it was ever quiet.

Coincidentally, the fortunate thing about living in a dorm with 9 other people was that there was always, at any given time, a person awake and willing to listen.

It could be 4:30 in the morning and Jaehyun would be awake quietly reading a book and he would gladly welcome a tired Jungwoo into his lap, lulling him back to sleep by running his fingers through his hair.

It could be 2 in the afternoon when members were scattered around the city and Doyoung could easily find Taeil bustling around the kitchen making a snack which he would promptly offer to the younger and sit and listen to his frustrations.

It was rare for Mark to feel alone or like he didn’t have anyone to turn to. But at exactly 10:17 on a rainy Tuesday night, that was exactly how he felt. There wasn’t the tell tale whistling of Yuta filtering through the house, nor was there the boisterous laughter of Haechan and Johnny. Everybody had gone to bed early after a long day and the reminder that they had an early schedule the next morning.

And for some reason Mark could not find it in himself to sleep. Across the room, Jungwoo’s light breathing was soft as the older slept peacefully and Mark felt a pang of jealousy at the contedness that the older had. It wasn’t that Mark wasn’t completely and utterly exhausted, because he most certainly was, but for some god forsaken reason sleep would not take him out of his misery.

With a sigh Mark stood from his bed and silently padded across the room, roaming down the hall to the living room where a lamp had been left on. He made himself comfortable on the worn couch, turning on the TV for hopefully some mindless background noise that would help him finally fall asleep. It didn’t work.

It wasn’t until around two hours later that someone joined him.

“Hyung? Why are you up?” Donghyuck questioned, his voice soft and raspy from sleep, his hair sticking up unnaturally. 

Mark smiled at the younger, “Couldn’t sleep. Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Yeah but don’t worry, Jaehyun’s mumbling would’ve woken me up anyway. I had no idea he knew so many types of cheese. I swear that’s all he talks about in his sleep anymore.” He shifted slightly to get comfortable, brushing their shoulders, but enough to have Mark relaxing into the couch cushion at the familiar presence. “Now tell me what’s wrong, why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I can’t get my mind to shut up.” Mark replied simply, trusting Haechan to understand the meaning. They had spoken about it before, in the middle of the night perched side by side on the windowsill. Mark had confided in Donghyuck about his mind and the way that it never seemed to quiet down, that he was always being wracked with thoughts that wouldn’t leave him alone. And Donghyuck had listened, playing silently with Mark’s fingers but giving him the space that he needed to articulate how he was feeling.

“Ah. Do you want me to make you some tea? Or warm up some milk?” Donghyuck offered, leaning his head back against the couch and peering up at Mark with tired yet wide eyes.

Mark reached out and ruffled his hair slightly, “No, better not risk waking any of the hyungs, they wouldn’t like that.”

“Or they’d freak out at the fact that we’re still awake and demand that we go to bed immediately and cuddle us to death.”

Mark chuckled quietly, threading his hand through Hyuck’s soft hair and leaving it there, “Yeah, that too.”

They sat in silence for a little. Though Mark loved Haechan and his energetic, light hearted personality that could charm anyone, he also adored the quiet moments that the pair were able to share. The late nights, early mornings, drowsy afternoons where Mark wasn’t as stressed about being the Golden Boy and Haechan let off on the teasing a little. That was when the two were able to talk about meaningful things that they would otherwise keep locked up. Mark was able to let down his guard and confide in and be confided in.

After a considerable amount of time the younger sat up, gesturing for Mark to come closer. Despite how it seemed on camera, Donghyuck was good at limiting skinship with Mark because he knew of how the older was somewhat uncomfortable with intimacy. He let Mark seek out the contact first, unless the maknae was having an off day, which usually meant he would be glued to Mark or Johnny’s side dusk till dawn.

Mark moved until their sides were pressed together, allowing Donghyuck to guide the older’s head on to his shoulder as he began running his fingers through Mark’s hair. It was gentle and caring and Mark felt the exhaustion from the past week of practice finally creeping up on him.

The last thing he registered was quiet singing from above him and the fake laughter of an invisible audience on the TV.

 

(Donghyuck knew that sleep was far off for him and though he was completely fed up with his numerous sleepless nights as of recently, he was grateful that at least this once something came out of it. Mark had needed him, and Haechan had been more than happy to lend the soothing presence that his best friend needed.

Hesitantly, Donghyuck checked his phone, rereading the message that the manager had sent him for the upteenth time. The higher ups were requesting that he meet with them briefly while the rest of 127 warms up the following morning.

He felt the dread gnawing at his stomach, every possible scenario raced through his head as he read the ominous message yet again.

No other members, just Haechan.

Unconsciously, Donghyuck tightened his grasp on Mark, who grimaced in his sleep and grumbled slightly, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck’s middle.

He would see what management needed in the morning, for now Donghyuck could watch over Mark and be the comfort the older needed.

For now.)

 

Mark was woken at 6 by Taeyong gently shaking him and Donghyuck with an expression of concern.

“Did you two sleep out here? Why didn’t you wake one of us?” He questioned as soon as he saw Mark’s eyes squinting open at him.

“Ah sorry hyung, I couldn’t sleep but Hyuckie helped me, no big deal.” Mark replied with a yawn, sitting up from his position against the arm of the couch, stretching slightly and kicking at Donghyuck who was still curled at the opposite side.

“No big deal? See if you still think it’s no big deal when I tell Johnny and Doyoung, they’ll be upset that you didn’t go to them.” Taeyong huffed, crossing his arms and staring pointedly at the two younger.

“Awe, your concern for us is heartwarming Taeyong hyung, really feeling the love.” Haechan murmured quietly, peaking an eye open to peer at Taeyong, “Just admit that it’s you that’s upset, no need to lie to your dongsaengs.”

Mark failed at holding back a small chuckle as Taeyong rolled his eyes and swatted gently at him, “Why do I put up with you two. Breakfast is in 10 minutes, we’re leaving for the studio in 30 minutes, make sure you’re ready.” Then he was gone to wake up the others, leaving the two sleepy boys on the couch.

“Guess that means we should get up.” Mark sighed, standing and twisting slightly to crack his back, making Donghyuck gag and bury his head under a pillow, muttering something along the lines of, “Disgusting old mean crackling like popcorn.” Mark chose to ignore him, leaving to get ready for the no doubt tiring day ahead.

 

(Donghyuck watched Mark’s retreating back, allowing his smile to slip from his face as he stood and stretched himself. Nervously checking his texts, Donghyuck took note of the time. Only 2 hours of sleep.

No big deal, he had gone off of less.

No new texts from the manager. The tension was starting to build up and Haechan frowned at his blank phone screen, hating that he had no insight to whatever was about to happen.

The sound of footsteps broke him out of his reverie.

As if by habit a smile crept on to his face as he greeted Sicheng, “Good morning hyung, sleep well?”)

 

It wasn’t often that they got days off when preparing for comebacks, but management announced to the group at the end of the day that their schedule for the next day had been cancelled to allow the boys some much needed rest. 

All sorts of ideas were proposed once the group was back at the dorm and gathered around the living room. Jungwoo’s idea of crashing the Dream dorm was popular, as was Yuta’s trip out of the city for a picnic.Ultimately, despite Taeil and Taeyong’s best wishes, the group voted for a popular karaoke bar which had been courtesy of Johnny’s chaotic ass.

“Fine, but we’re setting ground rules on what we’re allowed to sing right here right now.” Taeyong demanded with a determined face, daring anyone to defy. He continued when no one spoke up, “Jaehyun is limited to one High School Musical song and under no circumstances may Johnny and Yuta perform a duet. Winwin has to have at least one solo performance, Doyoung, Haechan, you two are not allowed to even consider any Britney Spears or Shakira songs. Got it?”

He was met by a chorus of grumblings and Haechan’s indignant, “Then what’s the point!”

“We’ll go to the barbeque place down the street for dinner and then the karaoke place, will someone reserve us a room?”

“I can” Johnny offered.

“Great, besides that the day is yours, enjoy it everyone.”

The group dispersed, Mark and Donghyuck naturally moving together to the kitchen to make something to eat. The younger started moving easily though the room gathering various ingredients as Mark hefted himself on to the kitchen counter, sucking on a juice box that Haechan offered him.

“Ever think about the fact that you once had a blond perm?” Donghyuck asked lightly, starting some tofu in a saucepan.

“God, I feel like you bring that up every day, it’s in the past there’s no need to talk about it.” Mark complained, moving his legs to let him get to a drawer that had been blocked.

“I will never let you live that down. It was a nightmare.”

“Ok but it’s not like your hair was much better Mr. Cheeto-head.” Mark quipped, pointedly slurping from his juice box directly after.

Donghyuck dropped the spoon he was holding and turned mock-angrily towards Mark, “That was because they _ insisted _ on straightening my hair for some dumb reason.”

Mark laughed and kicked Haechan’s hip as he walked by.

They bickered back and forth good naturedly for a few minutes as Hyuck worked on their meal, some kind of marinated tofu.

“ _ Holy shit Hyuck! _ ” Mark yelled, throwing himself off the counter and away from the stovetop at the same time Donghyuck jumped back from the vibrant blue flames with a surprised shriek.

“Oh god that wasn’t salt!” Hyuck cried defensively, staring at the engulfed pan, the smell of burning sugar filling the kitchen.

“What was it!”

“Sugar you dumbass!”

“How am I the dumbass in this situation! This is literally natural selection at work!” Mark yelled, grabbing a cup and filling it with water, preparing to throw it on the fire. A large hand grabbed his arm and yanked him backwards at the same time Donghyuck was lifted by his waist and pulled away.

Jaehyun held Donghyuck close, practically smothering the maknae to his chest, and Johnny kept a protective grip on Mark’s upper arm as Taeyong and Doyoung worked to get the flame out.

“What happened? How was that even possible?” Jaehyun questioned the pair, looking down at Donghyuck with a concerned gaze as the youngest was practically quivering.

“I must have mistaken the sugar for the salt and caught the grease on fire.” He replied, staring ahead at Doyoung, who had put out the fire and was working with Taeyong to clean the ruined pan.

“Jesus, well at least you two are ok. Neither of you are hurt, right?” Johnny asked, his grip tightening on Mark at the very idea.

“No hyung we’re both fine, just shaken.” Mark answered, offering the taller a slight smile to ease his mind. “And a little surprised that someone could mix up so badly.”

“Hey! At least I can cook at all, you were sitting there drinking a juice box not knowing which was a knife and which was a spoon!” Hyuck countered with a glare, ignoring Jaehyun’s “Oh god here we go” in the background.

“Oh that’s rich, you  _ offered _ to cook for us, I would’ve helped had you of let me!”

“Please, letting you help would’ve guaranteed that we burned down the kitchen!”

“Looks like you did that without my help anyways. How did you manage to graduate kindergarten  _ Hyuckie _ !” Mark snapped, knowing that he didn’t mean it and that it was just the adrenaline rushing through him.

Donghyuck knew too, from the way he gasped dramatically and cried “Rude!”

“Alright you two, the damage is done and in the past, no need to argue. Here’s some chips, now get out of my sight before I snap.” Taeyoung said, coming up in front of the four and handing Mark a bag of half eaten chips. Mark didn’t need to be told twice as he practically bolted from the room, Donghyuck following behind once he was able to slip out of Jaehyun’s vice grip.

“And you’re both banned from the kitchen until hell freezes over.” Doyoung shouted after them.

 

(While Mark packed a small backpack full of various items, Donghyuck thought over his meeting with management.

Mandatory weight control. They were putting him on mandatory weight control.

Donghyuck knew he was nowhere near overweight, if anything he leaned slightly towards the overly slim side, and yet management decided that Donghyuck had to drop down a weight class to be the perfect “Haechan”.

_ “No need to worry Donghyuck-ah, we’ve consulted a physician to make sure the target weight is not unhealthy for your height and stature. It’s essential for your image.” _

They downloaded an app on to Haechan’s phone that would regulate his diet, starting the day after their day off.

_ “We appreciate you, Donghyuck. Remember that we want what’s best for the group.” _

_ “Of course, thank you.” _

“Hyuckie! Are you ready?” Mark turned towards Haechan, backpack slung over his shoulder and baseball cap in his hand.

“When you are hyung, you really are an old man with how long it takes you to get stuff done.”

Mark ignored him and opted to hand him his oversized jean jacket instead with a smile, “Cheeky much.”

Donghyuck smirked slightly, “Of course, hyung. Thanks!”)

 

That night Mark and Haechan went to the Dream dorm for a movie and game night that had become a sort of tradition for the group. The 00 line enveloped Donghyuck in a hug the second they walked through the door and Chenle practically threw himself on Mark, Jisung a second behind.

“Ah we’ve missed you guys! How has comeback been going.” Chenle greeted, pulling Mark into the living room and pushing him on to the couch and sitting beside him, looking expectantly up at the older.

“We’ve missed you guys too. The comeback is good, but tiring, how you would expect it.” Mark answered, ruffling Chenle’s hair affectionately and pulling Jisung against his side as the maknae sat down on the other side.

The 00 line plopped as one on to the ground in a messy pile of limbs, shouts and grumbles of “Ow watch it” and “Jesus Nana why is your hand  _ there _ !” coming from them. Finally they settled and enthusiastically asked about the comeback and life at the 127 dorm.

Mark answered immediately, “Chaotic.”

“Fun!” Hyuck chirped, getting a soft kick to the back of his head from Mark.

“Of course you find it fun, you’re the reason it’s so chaotic.” Mark quipped, gaining a giggle from Jisung.

“That’s neither here nor there, hyung. If anything, I bring a nice calm to the dorm” Came Haechan’s defensive reply.

Mark scoffed, “Oh  _ really, _ might I remind you of what happened in the kitchen literally an hour ago?”

Haechan desperately tried to shush him as the rest of the dreamies chimed in, asking for the full story with “no details spared hyung,  _ none _ .”

“Well…” Mark started, feeling a teasing smile stretching across his face as Donghyuck cried out and attempted to tackle Mark. The 00 line grabbed every part of Hyuck they could reach and pulled him back down, keeping him pinned to the ground as Mark retold the kitchen incident as vividly as he could.

“I’m going to strangle you with your own intestines.” Haechan seethed, glaring at Mark as the dreamies laughed around them.

“God Hyuckie, you really are the epitome of a mess.” Jeno managed to get out between laughter, his arm snaked around Renjun’s waist as the older laughed into his chest.

“I hate all of you.” He whined in response, curling into Jaemin’s side, who chuckled but still pulled the older closer.

They calmed down enough to get rearranged for the movie; Mark, Donghyuck, and Jaemin squeezed on the couch with Jeno and Renjun sitting at their feet and the two youngest sharing the loveseat across the room. No one actually paid attention to the movie, between Jisung’s scathing comments and Chenle’s loud laughter it was nearly impossible anyways.

At one point, after Haechan made a teasing comment directed towards Jeno that resulted in the older pinching Hyuck’s calf hard, Mark noticed something on the side of the younger’s face.

“Haechanie,” Mark started, gently grabbing his chin and directing his face towards himself, “You have a little…”

Mark trailed off, licking his thumb and swiping at Donghyuck’s cheek to wipe away the smudge of dirt.

“Thanks hyung.” Haechan shifted, leaving Mark’s personal bubble to give the older the room that he usually wanted so badly. Now, however, Mark only wanted him closer.

“Come here,” Mark murmured quietly to not catch the attention of their nosey bandmates.

Hyuck’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened, but he complied willingly, leaning against Mark so the older could snake his arm around his slim waist. Donghyuck gave a content sigh and relaxed as Mark began brushing his thumb across his hip bone, happy at the new proximity.

(If Jaemin gave Mark a knowing look as the leader pulled Hyuck protectively closer once the tan haired boy had fallen asleep- well no one needed to know that).

 

(Nobody heard Haechan’s phone go off at 5 in the morning with an alert for an update on a dieting app.

He quietly deleted the notification and returned to sleep, an unknown feeling settling in his heart.)

 

The next morning they parted ways, the other Dreamies having various commitments during their time between comebacks and Mark and Hyuck wanting to make the most of their day off.

The pair agreed on a quick breakfast, texting the 127 group chat (lovingly named “I Fucking Hate All Of You” by Yuta after they spammed it while he tried to sleep) asking if any of the hyungs wanted something.

“Ok so we need two iced coffees, one with cream and sugar and one with milk, two hot chocolates with whip cream and one with some nutmeg, one mocha, and one chai latte. Oh and two blueberry muffins and three chocolate croissants.” Mark rattled off the order easily, smiling as Haechan attempted to muffle his giggles in Mark’s shoulder. “And that’s all to go please.”

Mark could practically see the life leave the poor baristas eyes and mentally apologized for having hyungs who would pounce at the idea of free food.

Mark looked despairingly at the food and drinks waiting to be picked up, “This is gonna be hell to carry back.”

“Rock paper scissors to see who has to carry it?”

No it did not seem like a good idea. Yes Mark was going to agree anyways.

Haechan won, but ended carrying the two pastry bags and gleefully skipping ahead of Mark as the elder balanced the drinks between his hands.

“Your coffee angels have arrived!” Hyuck announced loudly as they went through the door to the apartment, instantly being greeted by Taeil who grabbed his and Jungwoo’s muffins.

“Thanks Hyuckie, we’ll return the favor.” The oldest said, plopping a light kiss to Hyuck’s forehead that left him beaming. Mark hip checked his was past his partner in crime and set the drinks on the kitchen counter for the members to pick up. He snagged the two hot chocolates and moved towards the living room, side stepping Doyoung who stumbled towards his mocha with messy hair and half lidded eyes.

He sat on the couch and sipped idly on his hot chocolate while scrolling through the Dream group chat that had blown up with messages. A weight settled on the couch beside him and he passed the hot chocolate to Donghyuck without having to look up. In exchange, Donghyuck split his croissant in half and passed the other half to Mark, all while texting someone on his phone and not looking over.

Johnny walked in and smiled at the pair, sitting in the arm chair and pulling his phone out, dialing someone’s number easily.

“Tennie! What are you up to today?”

Mark and Donghyuck shared a look that Johnny caught, glaring at them and mouthing less than kind words in their direction.

“Well after you’re done with that do you want to have lunch at that new restaurant in the lower part of town?”

Donghyuck was now giggling uncontrollably, failing at hiding it behind his sweater-clad hands. Mark was biting back a shit eating smile as Johnny flapped his arm at the two youngest.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at one. Yeah, see you then!” Johnny hung up and faced the two fully, “You utter demon spawns-”

“We didn’t even say anything!” Mark cried as Haechan snorted and tipped forward to put his head between his knees. Mark easily snagged the others drink so it didn’t spill, having become second nature by now to predict “Potential Donghyuck Disasters”

“You didn’t have to say anything, I know what you two were thinking and it’s nothing like that. We’ve both been busy and our free time lined up today.”

Donghyuck had settled enough to look up with glowing cheeks and a gentle smile, “You don’t need to explain it to us. We wouldn’t judge if it were anything else, just so y’know.”

“What he said,” Mark added with a nod.

Johnny was quiet, studying the two with searching eyes, “Ah you two are too much to handle, I don’t know how Taeyong doesn’t have grey hairs yet.”

“Why do you think he dyes his hair so often.” Donghyuck joked. Johnny rolled his eyes and threw a pillow in their general direction, muttering about bratty children as he opened his phone yet again.

“I mean, it’s true.” Mark quipped, sipping his drink as Donghyuck choked on a surprised laugh.

 

(Donghyuck gave Mark his hot chocolate after the first few sips. The dairy felt heavy in his stomach, and he wasn’t a huge fan of the drink in the first place, at least that’s what he tried to convince himself as he passed the warm to-go cup to the older.

Mark didn’t say anything as he took the drink, apparently not finding the action weird, and Donghyuck relaxed minutely at the lack of resistance.

Management needed him to do this. The hyungs needed him to do this, it was the least they deserved after being so patient with him and working so hard for their fame.

He hoped he could do this.

In his pocket, his phone buzzed with a sickeningly sweet alert, relaying the message that carbs were bad and to replace them with water instead.)

 

The day passed quickly. Mark caught up on sleep and relaxed around the dorm, spending odd intervals of time with people. He took part in an aggressive game of Uno between Haechan, Yuta, Doyoung, and Jaehyun that ended with Taeyong taking their cars away and Doyoung threatening to remove Yuta’s spine and force feed it to Jaehyun. He wrote lyrics with Taeil, the pair bouncing ideas and melodies off of each other until they had a half formed song. Jungwoo played a few games of Mario Kart with him before Lucas showed up and the pair disappeared for a walk together.

Overall, Mark was content with his day and beyond grateful that management had given it to them in the first place.

When it came time to get ready for their night activities, Mark found himself doing it lethargically, not in any sort of rush to meet a schedule or deadline. Across the room from him, Jungwoo was slipping on a soft pink sweater (that’s about two sizes too big and most likely Jaehyun’s from the looks of it) and sliding on a pair of specs, smiling at Mark when he caught the younger staring.

“Excited Markie?”

“Yes, with an underlying feeling of dread and doom that usually accompanies group activities.” Mark shrugged on a loose bomber jacket that was hanging off the side of his bed, which quite honestly might have been Jisung’s once Mark looked closer at it.

“With just a dash of fear?”

Mark nodded sagely, “A dash of fear.”

“Alright losers we’re leaving in 5 so be ready and don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t consider leaving you behind if you’re even the tiniest bit late.” Yuta said as he popped his head into their room, moving so that he was leaning against the doorframe. “Cause we all know that I would not hesitate to drop kick all of you to Thailand.”

“Ah hyung, you know the way to a man’s heart.” Jungwoo’s signature smile was directed full force at the older.

“Well there is a reason I’m called a bias wrecker.” Yuta shrugged with a smirk, mirth dancing in his eyes.

“See that,” Jungwoo stage whispered to Mark, “That’s how you butter him up and make him love you.”

Yuta made an indignant noise and tackled Jungwoo on to his bed, going at the younger with a relentless tickle attack, “Take that back you little pest!”

“You fight it cause you know it’s true!” Jungwoo managed between panting laughs.

“Hey hyung could I- uh am I interrupting some new found kink or something?” Haechan’s confused face showed up, peering around the doorframe. Jungwoo and Yuta paid him no mind.

“Nah don’t worry they just need somewhere to vent their energy since they’re hopelessly pining,” Mark replied and the younger made a small sound of understanding, “Anyways, what do you need Hyuckie?”

“Could I borrow your sweater? The plain dark green one?” He asked, moving further into the room and sitting on Mark’s unmade bed. Yuta and Jungwoo had stopped, and were unashamedly watching the two youngests’ exchange with matching grins.

“Course. It’s gonna be big, I bought it a size up and my clothes are already a little loose on you”

Mark began rummaging through his closet, shooting a glare at the two hyungs whom Haechan had yet to notice.

“I know, that’s part of why I like it so much.” Mark tossed the sweater to Donghyuck, who caught it with a thanks before leaving the room once again.

There were exactly three beats of silence (Mark would know, Mark was counting) before Jungwoo cooed, “You guys are too cute My little dongsaengs are all grown up and getting crushes.”

Mark face planted on to his bed, “God I hate my life.”

 

(Haechan stared dejectedly at his reflection in the mirror, noticing the way his jeans clung to his legs in all the wrong places, the way his shirt hung awkwardly where it wasn’t supposed to. With a sigh he slipped off his lucky shirt and tossed it to the corner of dirty laundry, grabbing a random grey shirt and making up his mind to grab one of Mark’s sweaters.

They were loose enough to not show any of Haechan’s awkward proportions, and they smelt nice, which he could really use at the moment.

He wrinkled his nose as he forced down a concoction from the pits of hell itself; water, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper. According to his app, if he drank it before meals it would lessen his appetite, and would add barely any weight to his figure in the first place.

He could do this, there were worst things in the world than a small diet.)

 

Mark and Haechan naturally sat next to each other at the dinner place, Doyoung falling into place beside Mark and Jaehyun taking the seat on the other side of Haechan, sandwiching the maknaes.

“Taeil-hyung pass the chicken-no that’s the beef, the chicken-right next to it- are you- I mean seriously there’s only two options!” Doyoung rubbed at his temples as Jaehyun reached across Johnny to get to the desired meat and handed it to the older, Taeil’s light laughter reaching their ears.

“Mark-hyung will you get me the bok choy?” Haechan asked, looking around Mark towards Jungwoo, who was pouring sauce over a tofu dish, “And the sauce when Jungwoo-hyung is done with it?”

Mark passed the greens to the younger, and reached for the sauce when the older went to return it to the tabletop. Distractedly, Mark noted that the youngest had yet to help himself to meat or tofu, which wasn’t exactly out of character for their resident loudmouth who liked to wait until the hyungs had filled their plates, but a bit disconcerting either way.

“Channie are you fe-”

“Haechanie! Taeyong wants the soybeans before he has a dry orgasm!” Yuta’s voice was loud to be heard over their groups chatter, cutting off Mark’s question.Taeyong sputtered and smacked Yuta while Winwin pitched forward laughing, spilling his drink on to the floor. Donghyuck ignored the chaos and passed the dish in question over, teasingly requiring that the older tell him a joke in exchange. It was corny, but managed to make both Mark and Haechan laugh uncontrollably as Yuta muttered about disrespectful brats and “just wait until we’re back in private you two.”

And Mark’s train of thought was lost as Doyoung engaged him in a conversation about Exo’s comeback and Haechan was distracted by a game of rock paper scissors with Sicheng in order to decide who got the spicy sauce first.

Mark thought nothing more of the small proportions, how could he when Haechan was pressed perfectly into his side, nervously playing with the older’s hands at times and stealing his chopsticks when he wasn’t looking.

 

(Haechan caught both Doyoung and Mark’s concerned gazes towards his plate and purposefully filled it with more rice and sprouts, which he systematically pushed around his plate for the appearance of eating.

There was no need for the hyungs to know of the diet, they all had enough to worry about as it was so it was the least Hyuck could do to not burden them further.

The apple cider vinegar had helped to quell his hunger, but he could feel his stomach flipping already at the unfavorable mixture that he had forced down.

Someone, most likely Taeyong, pushed a few dumplings on to his plate and Haechan offered their leader a bright smile and a loud thanks, eating one right away to ease the attention away from him. The other two he slipped on to Jaehyun’s plate, claiming it was a trade for the tofu that Donghyuck had stolen from the elder earlier in the evening.

It seemed to appease Taeyong, who relaxed back into his seat, slinging an arm behind Taeil’s chair and listening attentively as the older told a story about Lucas falling into a fountain.

Haechan’s mind wandered as he looked at his hyungs, and his stomach clenched painfully at the absence of food forcing him to hide a grimace of discomfort behind a sip of water.

He would get used to this soon, he just had to endure the initial pain.

He would grow used to it eventually, and then he could make the others proud.)

 

Despite the karaoke bar being a quick walk from the restaurant, the ensemble of boisterous boys managed to get themselves briefly lost, too drunk off of inside jokes and loud giggles to pay attention to the weaving streets.

Mark passed his time listening intently to Jungwoo, who was lamenting about evidence that aliens existed while he simultaneously dodged Haechan’s attempts to trip him. He failed half of the time, making both Jungwoo and Haechan burst into a fit of laughter, clinging to each other as Taeyong tried to urge them across the street with an urgent, “the time’s gonna run out and the drivers will be ecstatic to run over two burdensome boys!”

The karaoke spot was lit with a variety of neon signs which led to an impromptu photoshoot that was a flurry of shrugging off jackets and shuffling one member out for another.

“Haechannie, Markie get a picture together!” Taeyong demanded with a glowing smile.

Johnny cheered enthusiastically, “Get up there you two!”

Mark grabbed Donghyuck’s hand and pulled him in front of the array of signs, Donghyuck hiding his grin behind his hand that was endearingly covered by Mark’s sweater. They stood together, smiling sweetly for the first two pictures, eliciting coos and “awes” from their hyungs.

Donghyuck leaned closer, whispering into Mark’s ear, “5,000 won says Taeyong hyung prints these and hangs them on the wall.”

Mark grinned, “Deal. 10,000 won says he puts them in a scrapbook.”

Donghyuck laughed loudly, curling forward slightly as Mark threw his head back with a responding chuckle. The camera flashed and Mark made a mental note to ask Taeyong for that particular photo later.

The friends got settled into their designated room, ordering a round of assorted drinks as the night kicked off. Jungwoo, Jaehyun, and Doyoung started the night off with a rather eccentric version of Queen’s  _ We Will Rock You _ , with Jungwoo doing an improvised rap in the middle of the chorus, because  _ naturally _ .

Johnny pestered Yuta and Taeyong to join him in doing a  _ Heathers _ song, having a heated debate about which one of them got to be Heather Chandler (Yuta ended up winning but Johnny took over after the younger couldn’t stop laughing).

Taeil and Haechan went up together to do  _ Ddu Du Ddu Du _ and got way too into it. They enthusiastically danced together, their ridiculous body rolls garnering laughs from all the other members.

The night progressed with song after song, Sicheng doing his solo that nearly made Yuta cry, Jaehyun’s High School Musical song ended up being Sharpay’s  _ Fabulous  _ which had been both amazing and scarring, Doyoung teaming up with Mark to perform Stray Kid’s  _ My Pace _ .

Donghyuck had been skipping through the songs when he stopped and gasped, turning to Mark with huge doe eyes, “Hyung oh my god we have to.”

“Have to what?” Mark questioned, standing up warily as his minded skimmed through all situations that the maknae could be planning. “I swear if you suggest  _ Skin  _ to me one more time-”

“This is better.” Haechan showed the screen to Mark with a shit-eating grin, “Much better.”

Mark couldn’t help but smile as the song name blinked in front of him.

“You two gonna close the night for us? Might I suggest a Girl’s Generation song or perhaps a Day6 song?” Doyoung teased, sipping on soju to enunciate his point.

“Wait if Mark and Donghyuck-ah are singing the last song I  _ demand _ they do  _ Lullaby  _ together.” Jaehyun chimed in from where he was leisurely petting Jungwoo’s hair, who had already passed his “excitable flirt” drunk stage and had gone into “clingy sleepy” drunk stage. “They would  _ kill _ that song.”

Johnny raised his hand, “If we’re throwing ideas out there then I would like to request  _ Monster _ . They’re both great at dancing it already, it would be like our own personal knock off Exo show.”

“Hush all of you-”

Taeyong cut Donghyuck off, “Ah brat!”

“-We’re a professional duo who does not take petty requests from peasants. Our song has been chosen already.” Donghyuck carried on, ignoring Taeyong’s interruption as he got the song ready.

Mark felt giddy euphoria race through him as the opening notes rang out, getting cheers from all the hyungs when they recognized the song.

“Oh god this is gonna make me cry.” Doyoung despairingly set his glass down, preparing himself for the no doubt emotional performance.

“I wanna be a billionaire so fricking bad. Buy all of the things I never had~” Donghyuck’s angelic voice filled the small, stuffy room. The hyungs raised their drinks and started hollering at them, Sicheng excitedly waving his hands in time to the music.

 

(The 10 groupmates wearily piled through the door, a mess of grumbled goodnights and dropped coats. Donghyuck was leaning heavily against Mark’s side, the older not pushing him away despite the proximity.

Donghyuck was passing it off for exhaustion, but in all honesty he was starting to feel faint from lack of food. Mark seemed more than happy to support the younger to his room, depositing him on his bed and ruffling his hair with a fond goodnight.

Donghyuck laid back on the bed, toeing off his socks and letting them drop to the floor but making no further effort to get ready for bed. Instead he curled in on himself, attempting to ease the clenching pains that were flaring in his stomach.

He was lulled to sleep that night by the smell of Mark’s sweater.)

 

“It’s a valid point!”

“I genuinely do not know where to even begin to unpack what you’re saying hyung.”

“I’m  _ saying _ that if everyone stood on a chair and jumped off of it at exactly the same time we could push Earth off of its axis!”

Mark squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to keep up with Jungwoo’s train of thought, “And why, pray tell, would we do that.”

Jungwoo faltered slightly, “Uh… science?”

“That’s what I thought.” Mark broke off from Jungwoo as the elder left the bathroom to go to the kitchen and Mark wandered to Donghyuck’s room, not having heard any evil cackling all morning and growing partly concerned for the younger, “Hyuckie? It’s been a slow and ‘evil plot’-less morning, are you ok?”

The room was still dark, despite Jaehyun having gotten up 45 minutes earlier and was now in the living room ready for practice. Mark squinted into the darkness, weaving the short distance to the younger’s bed, “I- jesus you need to clean- Hyuckie you awake? One snore for yes, two for no?”

When even that garnered no response Mark leant down, peering at the younger’s sleeping form, worriedly biting his lip, “Now you’ve just made me seem crazy by making me talk to myself. Clever, but it’s time to get up.”

Mark reached and shook Donghyuck’s shoulder gently, getting a bit harsher when he showed no response, “C’mon Haechan-ah, up and at ‘em”

“At who?” Hyuck mumbled sleepily, tufts of hair sticking up awkwardly as he sat up and stared blearily at Mark.

Mark couldn’t stop the fond smile from slowly growing on his face at the endearing sight, “Just a-c’mon Hyuck one foot after the other- just a figure of speech.”

“Mmm.” Donghyuck nodded in understand as he leaned slightly on Mark, allowing for the older to guide them out of the room and towards the kitchen for breakfast, “Wait what did I ask?”

“Doesn’t matter, get something to eat, we’re leaving soon and we don’t want to be late.”

 

(Donghyuck did not, in fact, get something to eat. He quickly made another one of those nightmare-inducing drinks and packed his bag full of two gatorades and a water. He put a small granola bar in as back up, but vowed to himself to not even consider it unless he grew too desperate.

He forced the concoction down his throat as he got dressed for the day, hurrying to gather his things as they were already a bit behind.

“Hyuck we’re leaving! I have your coat and hat!” Johnny called through the dorm, sending Donghyuck into a frenzy to grab his charger and phone, gulping the remainder of the drink quickly before running after his retreating members.

He jumped none too gracefully on to Johnny’s back, “I’m here I’m here, god what took you guys so long!”)

 

Mark generally liked dance practice near the middle of comebacks. It was before the intense and strenuous sessions that came closer to the end of comebacks, but after having already learned the steps and gotten past the messy beginning period. 

Today, despite the atmosphere being light, Mark felt a strange anticipation settling in his core. It was putting him on edge and causing his beat to be just slightly off which consequently made him more agitated. He wanted to be able to focus, but it felt as of he was hyper aware of every sound and movement that his members made, as if he was waiting for a blow to come that never would and it was tiring him out.

They called for a break at around 10, having been at it for nearly four hours already with members naturally progressing with the repetition. Mark slumped against the mirror, drinking greedily from his water as he watched his bandmates mill around and take advantage of their brief freedom.

Donghyuck caught Mark’s eyes and smiled at the elder before moving towards him and kneeling so they were eye level, “Everything alright hyung?”

“Of course, this choreo is kicking my butt.” 

Donghyuck cocked his head slightly, “I mean besides that. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re slightly off today.”

Mark should’ve known, he could never slip anything past the younger’s observant gaze, “Yeah I just- this is gonna sound weird but I have this feeling of like…”

Mark trailed off, searching desperately for the word he was looking for.

“...apprehension? If that makes sense? Like I know that something’s wrong but I don’t know what exactly is wrong and it’s just putting me on edge.”

Donghyuck nodded with a furrowed brow, “Maybe you should eat something and listen to some calm music. I have a good playlist for de stressing if you want to listen to it.” He offered.

“How long until we start again?” Mark asked, unable to recall when Taeyong wanted them to start up again.

“He’s going one by one and working us through individually, we just have to make sure we’re stretching and keeping heart rates up so we don’t cramp.” Donghyuck explained, already laying down and reaching ridiculously for his bag, grazing the strap with his fingertips futilely before Jaehyun noticed and kicked it closer. “Here’s the playlist and my earbuds since you’re stupid and have an old man phone. And-where did I- here’s a granola bar I grabbed this morning.”

Haechan passed the mentioned items over with a smile. Mark’s heart stuttered at the kind gesture and he accepted them. Full sun really fit Donghyuck amazingly well. “Thanks Haechannie, I think this will really help.”

“Yeah it’s the least I-”

“Haechan-ah! Are you ready for a run through with me?” Taeyong called over, cutting off the younger’s shy response.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes minimally but bounced upwards anyways, stretching his legs slightly as he walked towards the leader.

“No need to yell hyung!” Haechan shouted at the older, “I’m still in my youth unlike you lot of antiques.”

Mark heard rather than saw the gentle smack to the back of the head that the mischievous maknae received. He smiled as he shuffled the playlist and watched the pair go through the dance near flawlessly. Near perfectly.

 

(His stomach grumbled angrily as he watched Doyoung biting into an apple as they did their cool down after practice. He forced his gaze away and sipped on the gatorade he was clenching in his hand, resisting every screaming urge to ask one of the hyungs for something to eat.

While most of the others were heading to another dance practice for the U unit, Mark and Haechan were expected to be at vocal practice in 10 minutes, giving the pair barely any time to get cleaned up and head over.

Counting slowly backwards from 20, Haechan willed away the gnawing hunger and focused on humming notes in his head and matching their chords. He had to focus and  _ get better _ if he wanted to make the others, the company, their fans proud.

Someone slung a lazy arm over his shoulder, shocking him from his thoughts.

“Did you pack anything besides gatorade and water today?” Jaehyun asked without looking downwards at the startled maknae.

Donghyuck sighed, “Yeah a granola bar but Mark needed it, I don’t think he had breakfast this morning so I made a great and noble sacrifice and gave it to him.” Catching Jaehyun’s unamused glare, Donghyuck hasilty continued, “It’s true hyung! I was planning on getting a snack from the recording studio or one of the vending machines, no need to freak out.”

Jaehyun seemed to mull over his words, gaze softening when he made eye contact with a pleading Haechan, “Ah if you’re sure. Make sure you eat something, that practice was long and hard on all of us, you need to keep up your energy.”

“Don’t worry hyung, I will.”

Jaehyun suddenly seized both of Donghyuck’s small shoulders in his large hands, “You were amazing today Hyuckie. Truely. You deserve to be made a main dancer at the rate you’re excelling.”

Donghyuck couldn’t stop the blush that rose to his cheeks, or the bashful smile that grew across his face, “Thank you, that really means a lot coming from you Jaehyun-hyung.”

Jaehyun had no idea how much Donghyuck had needed to hear those words at that moment. They echoed in Haechan’s mind the rest of the day.)

 

Vocal practice ran late for the pair, leaving them an hour behind the U members and 2 hours behind the non-U members who had been in a recording session. The van had long since left, leaving the two to wait in the chilly air for a company car to pick them up and passing the time by playing a childish hand game.

After the fourth time in a row that Mark lost he called it quits, opting to check the time on his phone as Donghyuck checked his bag for something.

“Here they come.” 

Mark looked up as a black car pulled up and one of the managers looked expectantly at the two bandmates who hurried into the warm interior.

Almost as soon as they were pulling away from the building, Hyuck was slumping against Mark’s side, sleeping soundly. Mark smiled down at the younger, shifting slightly so that his head was resting at a more comfortable position that hopefully  _ wouldn’t _ lead to a sore neck.

He busied himself by looking through his messages and watching the streets through the window. Though he preferred when he could get back to the dorm early and have plenty of down time, he also liked the challenging full days that had him getting home late at night. Watching the still bustling streets of Seoul pass by, his best friend asleep at his side, he couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of  _ content _ that washed over him.

And despite the warm feeling that settled in his stomach, the apprehension, the anticipation was still present and nagging at the back of his mind.

In Donghyuck’s hand, his phone buzzed, causing the younger to scrunch his face up in his sleep. Mark pulled the phone out of his hand and checked the screen to make sure it wasn’t one of the hyungs freaking out about them being home so late.

What he saw stopped all train of thought.

 

(Donghyuck knew something was wrong with Mark the second he woke up when they arrived outside of the dorm. He called it his  _ best friend intuition _ , and it instantly set him on edge.

He opted for staying quiet, trusting Mark to voice whatever was bothering him once they were safely in the dorm and away from prying ears.

Just as Hyuck predicted, the second the door was closed behind them, Mark was pulling him to the living room and pushing him gently to sit on the couch before pacing back and forth in front of him.

“Hyuck, what the  _ hell _ is this!” Mark whisper shouted, showing Donghyuck’s phone screen that held a reminder from the stupid diet app.

Confusion clouded his mind as he tried to sort through his racing thoughts and calm his racing heart, “Why do you have my phone?”

“Are you ser-That doesn’t matter! What matters is you have a fucking diet app on your phone!” Mark’s voice was angry and caused Donghyuck’s triggered response of  _ hyung is mad, what do I do _ .

“It’s not how you think it is Mark-hyung, it-”

“You have to be kidding me. It’s not  _ how I think it is _ .” Mark’s volume was getting steadily louder and Donghyuck’s heart sped up all over again. Mark was one thing to deal with, his protective streak ran deep and long but Haechan had dealt with it enough to know how to handle it, but if he woke up the rest of hyungs Hyuck wasn’t sure if he could manage. Mark angrily waved the phone around, “Please then, enlighten me-”

“I will if you’ll just let me!” Donghyuck whispered urgently, looking expectantly at the older, who caught the hint and took a few deep breaths before nodding at Hyuck to continue, “It’s not for dieting hyung, I’ve been using it to make sure I get enough calories and proteins. I’ve been doing so much extra dance practice that I got scared I wasn’t keeping up with how much I needed to eat. I know it’s used as a dieting app, and those fucking notifications disgust me, but I’ve been using it to make sure that I reach a good calorie count with how much extra exercise I’m getting.”

Mark ran a hand through his hair, nodding as his tense shoulders relaxed and he finally sat beside Hyuck on the couch, “Fuck Hyuckie, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I saw it and just- couldn’t shake the feeling that it was true and I can’t even imagi- I’m just super sorry.”

Donghyuck let out an internal sigh of relief, it wasn’t the best lie in the universe, but it was believable and that was enough, “It’s ok hyung, I understand, you’re just trying to watch out for me. And we’re both exhausted right now, so the jumping to conclusions is to be expected.”

“Yeah… yeah you’re right, let’s head to bed.”

Hyuck fell asleep with an aching stomach and heart. Guilt ironically eating at him at the fact that he lied to his best friend.)

 

Though Mark believed Hyuck, he was still careful to watch the younger’s behavior in the days following the incident. He was certain that the other members caught on to his protectiveness, but no one said anything, so he carried on watching and caring for the younger when he got the chance.

It was exactly 12 days later when Mark had The Revelation.

The pair had been sitting on the couch in the living room, watching The Shining with Jungwoo and Jaehyun, the rest of the band coming to watch at strange intervals.

Jungwoo shrieked as Haechan flinched into Mark’s side when a loud noise played in the background.

“Scared?” Mark asked teasingly, slinging his arm across the younger’s shoulders to pull him closer.

Donghyuck scowled and elbowed him in the side, “Course not. I told you, I don’t get scared. Horror movies are scared of  _ me _ .”

Jaehyun scoffed and Mark rolled his eyes, “Sure thing tough guy, whatever you say.”

Jungwoo continued to cling on to Jaehyun’s arm through the movie, not keeping it a secret that he was absolutely terrified despite the first half of the movie being relatively uneventful.

At the climax, Haechan and Mark had both gotten antsy from staying quiet for so long.

“Get her with the axe! Get her with the axe!” The pair chanted together as on screen Jack broke through the door.

“Aw man! Don’t get distracted! She’s  _ right there! _ ” Haechan groaned as Jack left Wendy alone to move towards a different part of the hotel.

“God, horror movie characters are so dumb.” Mark muttered angrily, “A perfect kill, he could’ve easily gotten her but  _ no~ _ he just had-”

“To wander off and be a dumbass!” Donghyuck finished, “That’s what I was thinking.”

“Are you two seriously on Jack’s side in this movie?” Jaehyun asked incredulously.

Mark shrugged as Donghyuck nodded his head, “Of course, the antagonist deserves a win for once.”

“Yeah fuck the protagonist!” Mark agreed 

“Shhh you’re gonna miss it!” Doyoung shushed from the doorway, Sicheng peering over his shoulder to watch the movie with wide eyes.

The four in the living room quieted down for a few moments before;

“Hm, 7/10 for jump scare efficiency, but that was kinda sloppy so 2/10 for execution.” Haechan commented after Jack struck Ben in the stomach with an axe.

“Was that seriously a pun?” Doyoung said, trying to suppress a laugh at the same time Mark sighed disappointedly, “Should’ve aimed for the neck man. A decapitation would’ve been cooler.”

“I can’t believe you two” Mirth laced Jaehyun’s voice as he glanced over at the youngest two.

“Hyung shhh!” Jungwoo complained, tugging on Jaehyun’s arm insistently.

After the movie Doyoung ruffled Haechan then Mark’s hair affectionately. Mark leaned away from the touch with a sound of distaste, garnering a scoff from the older, “Why is it that you’re only comfortable with Donghyuck’s affection! I’ll never understand.”

Mark froze at the words. Beside him, Donghyuck snorted before talking animatedly to Jungwoo, who was still clinging to Jaehyun. Doyoung moved away from him and towards the kitchen, Sicheng following suit. But Mark froze.

Because it wasn’t true, right?

Sure he had slowly become more lenient towards the younger, who practically thrived off of intimacy and physical affection, but he in no way favored Hyuck. He was close with all of his bandmates, just in different ways.

Unless…

As long as Mark was at the company, it had always been him and Donghyuck. There was a deep rooted  _ something _ between the two that had always been undeniable, even during their unfortunate fight and the stupid scandal.

Donghyuck was Mark’s closest friend, and Mark was Donghyuck’s.

So when had his feelings moved away from  _ friends _ and closer to something more affectionate, more scary?

If Mark were to pinpoint the exact moment there was the change, it would probably have been way back during their trainee years when Donghyuck’s favorite past time was teasing Mark mercilessly and Mark would laugh along. Crammed into the trainee dorms together, working tirelessly towards debut, leaning on each other and only each other because  _ nothing _ and  _ nobody _ was guaranteed. When the first undeniable streaks of protectiveness started surfacing in Mark.

And Donghyuck…

Mark looked towards their resident sunshine, relaxing into the couch besides him, still talking with Jaehyun and Jungwoo, though their conversation had shifted from the movie to possible dinner ideas.

And it wasn’t like in the books, or like in the movies. When the main character just  _ understands _ that it’s love and they feel the relief at the sudden explanation. When they realize they are so head over heels and they want everybody to know it.

It was nothing like that.

Instead, Mark’s nose scrunched up in extreme confusion because  _ how in hell did he manage to fall so helplessly for Hyuck _ .

And then -  _ holy shit no no no nonononono _ .

Mark all but tumbled from his seat, exclaiming something about the bathroom before hurriedly leaving the room.

What the actual fuck.

 

(After Mark’s sudden and very unsubtle freak out, Haechan excused himself to check on his best friend, feeling Jungwoo and Jaehyun’s burning concerned gazes on his back. He knocked on the bathroom door, getting no response which, sure, that’s pretty predictable.

“Mark hyung? It’s me, can you let me in?”

There was shuffling, then the sound of something hitting the ground, followed by an amusing string of muffled curses. Donghyuck smiled at his best friend’s antics.

“Not right now Hyuckie, can you give me some space? We can talk soon.” Mark’s reply wavered slightly, and Donghyuck’s worry grew but he nodded nonetheless, realizing belatedly that Mark couldn’t see the action.

“Of course, I’ll be at the dance studio for a little, if you want to talk you know where to find me.”

Mark’s reply was soft and faraway, “Thank you Hyuckie, be safe.”

“Always hyung.” Haechan replied, hesitating for a few seconds longer before leaving the door and heading to his room, sneaking out the small scale he had begun stashing under his bed. Yesterday he had officially been underneath the target weight, but another night of intensive choreo and his extra exercising plus nothing but almonds should’ve hopefully dropped him further. And just as he thought, he had lost another half kilogram.

His mind was a battle of pride and disgust as he looked at the numbers.

With a sigh he grabbed his practice bag and headed out, shouting a goodbye to the members before the door shut behind him.)

 

It took Mark 45 minutes to finally leave the bathroom. His head was in no way clear, but he couldn’t postpone the inevitable, he’d have to talk to one of his concerned hyungs eventually, it was just a matter of who they sent into his room.

It was no surprise when it was Taeyong knocked gently on his door frame with a sympathetic gaze.

Mark returned it with a tight lipped smile, “Lose rock paper scissors, hyung?”

“Won actually, though it may not seem like it to you,” Taeyong replied, moving further into the room and sitting on the edge of Mark’s bed. “Everybody’s worried, they all wanted to come in and check on you.”

“How did they all know something was wrong?”

Taeyong blew air out between his lips, leaning back against the wall as his gaze settled on one of Jungwoo’s pictures taped to the wall, “Word spreads fast when you have 8 overprotective bandmates.”

Mark stayed silent, trusting Taeyong to cut to the chase.

“So, are you gonna spill or am I gonna have to guess, because trust me I’ve come up with some pretty creative scenarios.”

“How can you be sure that you like someone? When do you know that it’s more than just friends?” Mark felt his cheeks heating and he refused to look from where he was watching his hands destroyed his already fraying shirt.

Taeyong was quiet, “I don’t know Mark, it’s always been easy for me to understand my feelings because I’ve never gone from ‘long time friend’ to something more. I’ve kinda jumped the phase of friendship.”

“Oh.”

Taeyong turned towards Mark and forced the younger to look at him, “Is this about Donghyuck?”

Mark cringed, “Does everybody know?”

“I think the majority have caught on, yes.”

“Oh go-”

“If it helps, we think that Hyuck has no clue.”

Mark buried his face in his hands, “You guys have talked about this?”

Taeyong shrugged helplessly, only looking half sorry, “We don’t have many friends besides each other, you can’t blame us. Plus, I know you and Hyuck have talked about Johnny and Ten.”

Mark groaned, desperately wishing that the bed would either swallow him or Taeyong to save him from this embarrassment. Taeyong patted his back. In a serious tone he added, “We think Hyuck returns your feelings.”

“Very funny hyung.”

“I’m serious. He may tease you a lot, but it’s because he likes how you react. He always goes to you about problems and conflicts even though he has three members his same age. He goes to your bed on nights when he has nightmares. He buys your disgusting peach ice cream when we run out. He listens to all the songs you recommend, he stays up listening to you rant, he wakes up early to say goodbye when you have U practice. Donghyuck has always, and will always, go above and beyond for you Mark, it just took you this long to see it.”

Mark’s head was reeling, “But how do I know that he’s not just doing that as a best friend? He’s affectionate with everybody, what sets me apart from that?”

Taeyong looked at Mark with searching eyes, “He craves intimacy, he thrives off of physical affection. He loves being close with all of the members, you’re the only person he goes to for emotional affection.”

They both stayed quiet for a long while. Mark found his gaze fixated on the framed picture he had of him and Hyuck taken only a few months earlier at the dorm. The pair had been home for the day and spent it in ridiculous pajamas and eating copious amounts of junk food. It was their impromptu dance party that Sicheng had walked in on, then hid from them as he silently recorded to send to the hyung line group chat that he had briefly been granted access to. Johnny had taken a screenshot from the video and framed it, gifting it to Mark after the Dream comeback.

And the picture told him everything he needed to know.

Taeyong got up and moved towards the door, pausing and turning once to make a final point, “You’re the only one he showed the song he produced to.”

Mark had to find Haechan.

 

(Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.

Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.

Step one step two twist jump back-slip fall pause music start again.

Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.

Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.

Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.

Pause, water, stomach churn, angry tears, start over.

Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.

Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat. Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.Step one step two twist jump back step slide repeat.

Step one step two twist- dizzy fall black.)

 

Mark’s hearing was muffled as he raced across the practice room to Donghyuck’s crumpled form.

Instincts took over as he reached the younger, reaching with one hand to check his neck for a pulse while the other grappled for his phone and desperately called the first hyung contact name he found.

A pulse, not exactly faint, but not healthy at all, and definitely elevated.

“Mark? Did you tal-”

“Doyoung-hyung I need help! Quickly come here as quick as you can. I don’t know what to do, hyung I’m  _ scare- _ ”

Tears obscured Mark’s vision as he worked to move the fallen member on to his back.

Over the line there was the sound of frantic shuffling, “Mark we’re on our way but you need to explain what’s going on.”

“I don’t know!  _ I don’t know _ ! I got here and he was on the ground and I thought maybe he had fallen asleep because he hasn’t been sleeping-”

“What are you saying Mark? What happened to Hyuck?”

“He’s unconscious I think, I checked his pulse it’s there but it’s weak and too fast. He’s too hot, there’s not a lot of sweat, hyung  _ hurry _ .” Mark’s choked sob resounded around the silent practice room. He moved Hyuck’s head to rest in his lap, grasping his hand desperately with one hand, the other buried in the younger’s soft and slightly matted hair.

“We’re coming Mark, hyungs are on their way, we’ll be there soon.”

 

True to their word, they came barreling through the door not 2 minutes later, racing towards the maknaes.

Jungwoo and Jaehyun surrounded Mark, gently pulling the inconsolable boy away from his best friend as the rest went about assessing the situation.

Jungwoo held Mark tightly as Jaehyun leaned down slightly to look directly into his eyes, “I need you to think Mark, as hard as you can. Has Hyuck complained or hinted at feeling ill lately? How has his sleeping been?”

Mark shook his head frantically, “I don’t know hyung, I don’t know I can’t remember! He’s my best friend and I can’t remember!”

Jaehyun gripped Mark’s shoulders, “Yes you can, you need to think, I know that you know this Markie.”

“H-He said anything about being sick. He hasn’t been sleeping great lately, but he always has issues sleeping around comebacks he…” Mark trailed off as an idea hit him. “Jaehyun his phone!  _ I need his phone hyung! _ ”

Jaehyun didn’t question him as he raced to search Donghyuck’s bag for his cracked phone.

Across the room, Johnny was on the phone with the managers as Yuta called an ambulance. Taeyong was cradling the unconscious boy against his chest, Doyoung grasping his limp hand Taeil was holding a crying Sicheng near the youngest’s feet.

“We need to get him down stairs for the medics.” Yuta called from the door, eliciting a whimper from Doyoung and another sob from Sicheng. Taeyong swallowed hard as he gazed at the body in his arms, his arms shaking.

Johnny seemed to realize what was going on, as he passed the phone to Doyoung and gently pried Donghyuck’s body from Taeyong’s arms, effortlessly picking him up and moving to follow Yuta down to the lobby.

Jaehyun returned with the phone. Mark hurriedly unlocked it, forever grateful that his fingerprint was the only other one in Haechan’s phone.

He found what he was simultaneously hoping to find and dreading finding.

A dieting app.

Mark’s legs went weak as he scrolled through the entries, which were few and far between. He likely would’ve fallen, if not for Jungwoo and Jaehyun steadying him.

“What is it! What wrong with him?” Jungwoo’s soft voice cut through the haze of Mark’s mind.

“He-he- I think he’s…” Mark trailed off as his body shuddered once, twice, then a dry heave wracked his body. The picture of Donghyuck being carried out, pale, unmoving, near lifeless. The phone screen in front of him providing the devastating answer. His mind clouded at the same moment his eyes did, thoughts racing, how hadn’t he noticed.

He did notice though.

Why didn’t he  _ say _ anything.

But he had!

Why hadn’t he insisted.

Mark had no answer for that.

Then Taeyong was there, “Mark, what happened.”

“He’s been dieting.”

Taeyong nodded once. “I’m going in the ambulance with him, you can too.” He turned to everyone else, “The managers will be taking you to the hospital behind us.”

Everybody was still shell shocked, nobody moved a muscle.

“ _ Now _ everybody.”

 

In the waiting room, the members forced a messy, disjointed explanation from Mark. He offered what he could.

Donghyuck giving him his hot chocolate, Donghyuck not eating at dinner that night, bottles of gatorade and water, half granola bars and handfuls of almonds. Apple cider vinegar in place of instant ramen, lemon water instead of double chocolate ice cream. A dieting app under the veil of being a muscle builder, not a body deteriorater. A weight target vastly low for Donghyuck, who had already been on the slim side.

By the end, Jungwoo was crying into Jaehyun’s chest, Doyoung was openly sobbing, as was Sicheng. Johnny had his head in his hands, Yuta was standing slightly away from them, stock still. Taeil was shaking, fists clenching and unclenching. Taeyong had an arm around Mark’s shoulder as the younger cried quietly

“I should’ve known hyung, it was right in front of me, why didn’t I see it.”

“It’s not your fault, none of us saw it Mark, he was so good at hiding it. He was too good at hiding.” Their leader’s voice sounded so defeated, so lost. Mark turned in the hard hospital chair, wrapping his arms around the older, who melted into the contact and cooed softly to quiet the sobbing boy.

“I should’ve seen it. He’s my best friend. He’s my other half. I should’ve protected him.”

“Our heads aren’t something we can be protected from.” Taeyong reasoned gently.

Yuta’s cold voice cut through the thick atmosphere, “It wasn’t Donghyuck who decided on this diet.”

Johnny stiffened and looked up, “What do you mean.”

“I  _ mean _ Hyuckie’s smart, he always called us out on unhealthy eating, he always listened when he insisted he eat more. He wouldn’t of decided this on his own. He had a meeting with management on his own 2 weeks ago.”

Taeil chewed on his lip, “You think the managers did this?”

“I think the managers were told to do this by the higher ups. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done something like this.”

There was a collective shutter, remembering Ten’s forced 3 week isolation and Lucas’s exercise schedule that they were still fighting against.

Still, the reality was hard to grasp.

That night, Mark’s mind did not shut up for a second, instead filled with a dying sun and fading laughter.

 

Taeyong was the first one allowed to visit Haechan, who had woken up disoriented at 5 in the morning.

He came back with tear tracks decorating his face, “He asked for you, Mark.”

Mark stood shakily but hurried down the hall to the open room, finding Hyuck sitting up gazing out of the open window, an IV trailing from his arm.

“Hey.”

Donghyuck startled slightly and turned towards Mark with a sad smile, “Mark…”

There was a lot that Mark wanted -  _ needed _ \- to say to the younger. But it wasn’t the time, or the place. 

Instead, Mark sat down in the chair beside the bed, taking Hyuck’s smaller hand in his, “You know, I always figured you’d land yourself here because of your loud mouth.”

Hyuck’s giggle was music to his ears, his hand squeezing Mark’s slightly in a silent thanks, “I always figured I’d be visiting your clumsy ass.”

“Guess I walked into that one.”

“You kinda did, hyung.”

And yeah, they weren’t good, they weren’t even  _ okay _ , but they would get there.

 

(The “recovery” process, which was Taeyong’s new favorite term apparently, was long and stifling. The hyungs never let Donghyuck out of their sight, which may had annoyed Donghyuck at one point and still occasionally became too much, but was overall nice and supportive.

Rooms had been temporarily switched around so that Hyuck was now with both Doyoung and Mark, who had  _ suspiciously _ won the rock paper scissors. The trio went to all of Donghyuck’s doctor’s appointments together, most of the time Taeyong tagged along if his schedule allowed.

There were setbacks.

Despite Donghyuck  _ knowing _ and  _ understanding _ that breakfast was good for him and necessary, his stomach impulsively rejected the idea, and had him throwing up the first half of the day instead. It happened days in a row before Johnny came up with an idea of Hyuck exercising with him in the gym before eating a breakfast, which surprisingly worked, to the relief of all.

And even though he was aware it was wrong and bad for him, he still found himself counting calories, pushing food aside while talking excessively to take attention away from his uneaten food. But at least one member always noticed and would gently tap his plate.

His health was coming back slowly but surely, providing hope for everybody.

Mark slept in Donghyuck’s bed more often than not, though that was mostly for the older’s benefit than Hyuck’s. Since the incident, the pair was rarely without each other, a strange codependency developing between them. Even when U had practice or a schedule, Haechan would tag along if possible per Mark’s request. 

Telling the non-127 members had been emotional mess, especially for the 00-line. Ten had locked himself in Johnny’s room and cried to the older, most likely remembering his own encounter with the higher ups in the company. Kun had hugged Haechan, whispering quiet words into his ear before starting on a mandatory whole band dinner. Lucas had silent tears as he took his turn hugging the younger, ruffling his hair and promising a Mario Kart tournament as soon as their schedules allowed for. Chenle had cried into Jisung’s shoulder, who was also close to tears, but closer to strangling his hyung. 

Renjun had broken down immediately, leaning against Jeno as he choked out a half hearted lecture. Jeno held on to Renjun as if his life depended on it, gazing at Hyuck sadly as a few stray tears slipped out. On Jeno’s otherside, Jaemin stared blankly at Hyuck.

“Will you do it again?”

Hyuck startled at Jaemin’s question, not having expected it. “No. No, never again. Not after seeing how it’s affected you guys.”

“And how it’s affected you, Donghyuckie. We just want you safe and healthy.” Jaemin declared, no room for arguing. Jeno and Renjun nodded along resolutely, chiming in their agreements. Mark tightened his hold on Hyuck’s hand.

“Do you want me to leave you guys to talk alone?” He murmured into Hyuck’s ear. He knew it must’ve killed Mark to offer to leave the younger alone, even with people he would trust his life with. But he did anyways, because Mark was a complete sweetheart who knew how much the same age boys meant to each other. Hyuck gave a small nod, offering the older a reassuring smile when he paused at their door to look back one last time.

“We want you  _ happy _ Hyuck.” Jaemin added, sounding both soothing and adamant at the same time, a feat only he could achieve. Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin shared a look before Jeno cleared his throat and sat up slightly.

“We really do want you happy Hyuckie, which is why we’re gonna tell you something that your thick skull hasn’t processed yet.”

Donghyuck’s heart started racing and he sat up, thousands of scenarios flashing through his head of what they could possible say.

“Donghyuck, you’re in love with Mark-hyung. And he’s head over heels for you.” Renjun cut to the chase.

Donghyuck sunk backwards, “Oh.  _ That. _ ”

Jaemin gave him a knowing look, “Yeah,  _ that _ . You should do something about it! When you’re ready of course, but he’s good for you Hyuck, he’s so good for you. Everybody sees how caring he if of you, and how happy you make him.”

“So, when you’re ready and you think the time is right, you should talk to him. Don’t leave yourself pining like Johnny and Ten have.” Jeno finished.

Hyuck didn’t hesitate before hurtling himself at the trio, knocking them all backwards onto the bed with shrieks and screams and cackles.

“I love you guys.”

Renjun’s squirming and death glare immediately seized, “We love you too. So so much.”

Mark barged into the room, “I heard scr- what in the world are you guys doing?”

“Cuddle puddle hyung, obviously, come join.”

Mark shrugged before making himself comfortable beside Donghyuck, his arming settling at his favorite spot across the younger’s waist. 

When Donghyuck was sure that the other 00-liners were asleep, he whispered quietly to Mark, “Can we talk later?”

“Of course.”)

 

An hour before midnight found the pair perched in their windowsill, watching the clouds periodically cover the moon, temporarily blocking their only source of light and basking them in darkness.

Doyoung had left the pair on their own for the night, joining Taeil and Jaehyun in an impromptu sleepover with the Dreamies.

“Mark-hyung.”

Donghyuck’s quiet, slightly raspy voice interrupted the silence. Mark turned to look at the younger. Half of his face was lit by the waning moon, making his skin absolutely glow, his eyes looking as if they held eternal fireworks within them. Fitting for the younger’s personality.

“Hyuck.” Mark replied, a small smile stretching his face. He knew what was coming, he knew what they were going to talk about, and yet fear still tinged the outer reaches of his mind.

“Mark-hyung thank you. For everything. Before and after, you’ve always looked out for me.”

“You don’t have to thank me for what comes naturally, especially if I like to do it.” 

Hyuck’s cheeks painted a slight pink at the confession, “You like taking care of me?”

“I like having your back, I like having your complete trust. I like knowing that you’re safe and happy and protected.”

He paused, thinking his next words over, wanting to be poetic and romantic and everything Hyuck deserved.

“I like  _ you _ .”

Well apparently his mouth wasn’t quite on the same page as his brain.

“I like you too, hyung.”

Despite knowing the words were coming, Mark couldn’t stop the giddy euphoria that rushed his system at the confession.

“I don’t want to rush you into anything, especially while you need to focus on recovering, but when you’re ready I would love to try a relationship with you. Cause I… I more than like you. Hyuck I think I’m in love with you.”

“That’s a relief. I’m head over fucking heels in love with you Mark Lee.”

The moment their eyes met, the relief washed over them, small giggles leaving both of their mouths.

“Cuddle with me?” Hyuck asked hopefully.

“Anything for you Hyuckie.” Mark responded, slipping down from the windowsill and moving below the younger, lifting him by his waist and pulling him down.

They settled on Mark’s bed, staring at each other with matching smiles.

“One of us is gonna have to fall asleep eventually.” Haechan pointed out.

“And we both know it’s gonna be you.” Mark teased lightly.

Despite Donghyuck’s vehement denials, it was the younger who eventually fell into a light sleep, Mark watching his partner in crime sleeping soundly.

And maybe it wasn’t exactly the closure they both needed at the moment, but it was the promise the understanding that something  _ more _ would come once the time was right.

And Mark would wait however long it took for the younger to be ready, to be healthy. For Donghyuck, he would wait an eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed,
> 
> again, do not believe anything you read in this story  
> I do not think the company is hurting the members in anyway  
> I in no way think that our beautiful, amazing, sweetheart Haechan needs to lose weight at all


End file.
